Unsettling things about settling down

Marriage is suppose to be one of the most awaited event in someone’s life .I agree it need some planning, preparation and discussions. I don’t blame parents to be concerned about the marriage of their children, but there has to be a line, a limit of pushing beyond certain threshold and some scope of open communication. This is especially true in case of girls.

When a girl reaches a certain age, everyone in the house, neighborhood and relations make match-making their business. All the actions are scrutinized keeping one aim in mind ‘marriage’.

If she gets into a good B school or job, people will say ‘now she would get good offers from well educated guys’.

Even today people don’t understand that a girl doesn’t study to get a decent match, she studies so that she can learn , judge , opt , work , earn and be independent, just like a guy. One of my friends was enthusiastic about the certification she is planning to get through by the year end. Her very ambitious brother in law didn’t even let her complete the sentence and remarked ‘your plan now should be to settle down’.

Some people try to project themselves as modern parents by openly announcing,’ we don’t mind her choosing her own partner as long as he is of our religion (cast, region), well educated, from a good family and having a steady (well paid) job”. So much for freedom!!

Daily I hear one or the other friend of mine struggling to convince her parents simple things like ‘ I am just not ready’ or ‘ It ain’t working for me’.

Another friend is fed up of talking to guys and every time she has to device a new excuse to tell ‘This is not the guy I’ll be like to share rest of my life’. I hate the trauma she goes through every time a new guy comes into picture .same questions, same apprehensions, same tamasha and same result. Now parents have zeroed down two guys and she has to pick one.What a choice...She said ‘I do rather do heads and tails and pick anyone because I like none’. But her parents are not listening.

One of my very good friends has left India and is definitely not coming back. Whenever her parents talk about marriage she simply hangs the phone.

All of these girls are good looking in their mid 20’s or late 20’s , single and open to love , and not ready to marry unless they are in love and 100 percent ready to spend their lives with the guy . They won’t marry if their parents won’t approve, but they won’t just marry to anyone their parents will choose.

I don’t know when people will accept that things are changing now and girls are not just a responsibility that you have to hand over to someone else and get tension free. And a girl has every right to say no for marriage if ‘ she don’t feel like kissing the guy’ ..:-)